it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
