So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize