exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
