do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
