My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
