Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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