I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
