Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found your dick twin last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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