We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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