Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
