im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
