her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize