You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
