there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
