Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
