I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize