Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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