VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
