Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
