How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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