I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
