I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Are we still banned from the library?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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