You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
