I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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