Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
