My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
