Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize