it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
