I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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