if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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