I hate all girls vehemently.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
