glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize