Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize