I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
