is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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