threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
