The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
