My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
