You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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