we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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