Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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