apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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