you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
