Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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