do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
