am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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