My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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