2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
