I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
