I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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