I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
