Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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