I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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