I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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