My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
