i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize