Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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