Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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