Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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