im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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