Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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