By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
