I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
