I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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