He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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