who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
