Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she peed on how many people?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
