shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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